By Dan Bern
Transcribed by Justin

(capo 2)

Em   D   Em
I got big balls
D        Em
Big ol' balls
D        Em
Big as grapefruits
D       Em
Big as pumpkins
D    Em D  Em
Yes sir, yes sir
Em                      D      Em
And on my really good days
Em                                D      Em
They swell to the size of small dogs
Em                             D      Em
My balls are as big as small dogs

          G                  C
Well, it ain't braggin' if it's true
C         Em
Yes sir, yes sir
Em                  D    Em
It ain't braggin' if it's true
Em                   D     Em
Mohammed Ali said that
Em                           D       Em
Back when he was a young man
Em                         D        Em
Back when he was Cassius Clay
Em                           D      Em
Before he fought too many fights
Em                         D        Em
And left his brain inside the ring

         G                         C
Sometimes I wish I was Tiger Woods
C                   Em
Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods
Em                                D
Sometimes I wish I was Tiger Woods
D      Em        D      Em
Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods

Em                          D       Em
I got a friend whose goal in life
Em                                  D  Em
Was to one day go down on Madonna
Em                           D          Em
That's all he wanted, that was all
Em                           D   Em
To one day go down on Madonna
Em                                 D      Em
And when my friend was thirty-four
Em                      D              Em
He got his wish in Rome one night
Em                         D  Em
He got to go down on Madonna
Em                           D      Em
In Rome one night in some hotel
Em                         D            Em
And ever since he's been depressed
Em                       D         Em
His life is shit from here on in
Em                              D              Em
And all our friends just shake their heads
Em                                 D             Em
And say, "Too soon, too soon, too soon,
Em                             D            Em
He went down on Madonna too soon
Em                                     D            Em
Too young, too young, too soon, too soon"

          G                 C
And it ain't braggin' if it's true
C          Em
Yes sir, yes sir
Em                  D     Em
It ain't braggin' if it's true
Em                    D   Em
Mohammed Ali said that
Em                         D        Em
Back when he was Cassius Clay
Em                           D      Em
Before he fought too many fights
Em                         D         Em
And left his brain inside the ring

         G                         C
Sometimes I wish I was Tiger Woods
C                   Em
Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods
Em                                D      Em
Sometimes I wish I was Tiger Woods
D      Em        D      Em
Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods

Em                        D         Em
If certain girls don't look at you
Em                            D      Em
It means that they like you a lot
Em                      D         Em
If other girls don't look at you
Em                              D      Em
It just means they're ignoring you
Em                                  D          Em
How can you know, how can you know?
Em                              D      Em
Which is which, who's doing what?
Em                          D    Em
I guess that you can ask 'em
Em                        D Em
Which one are you baby?
Em                                       D      Em
Do you like me or are you ignoring me?
Em                                        D     Em
Do you like me or are you ignoring me?
Em                                      D       Em
Do you like me or are you ignoring me?
Em                          D  Em
And all you need to do that
Em                        D   Em
Is one good pair of big balls
Em                 D     Em
Balls as big as grapefruits
Em                 D      Em
Balls as big as pumpkins
Em                 D  Em
Balls as big as mine

Em                         D           Em
But even though my balls are big
Em                                      D   Em
Sometimes I wish they were bigger
Em   D   Em
Even bigger
Em                           D   Em
Big as the wheels on tractors
Em                      D   Em
Big as the golden arches
Em                       D     Em
Big as the Golden Gate Bridge
Em                      D     Em
Big as the state of Kansas
Em                     D   Em
Big as Mars and Jupiter
Em                        D      Em
Big as the swing in Tiger Woods
D      Em
Tiger Woods
D       Em
Tiger Woods
D      Em
Tiger Woods
D      Em
Tiger Woods